


Ultimate Spicy Asgardian

by moosh



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Crack, Gen, Thor loves food, marvel writing challenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 01:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16822654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moosh/pseuds/moosh
Summary: Thor loves sandwiches and desperately wants to learn more about them.





	Ultimate Spicy Asgardian

**Author's Note:**

> This is a piece of pure, unadulterated crack written for the "Random Words, Random Characters" challenge for the Marvel Writing Challenge page on tumblr. Check 'em out! https://marvelwritingchallenge.tumblr.com/
> 
> My character was Thor and my words were: hero, education, and ambition.

“What is that you’re eating? A sandwich? Sandwiches are truly one of Earth’s greatest pleasures!” Thor exclaimed, clapping a hand onto Clint’s shoulder.

“Yeah they’re pretty great.” Clint choked out, startled, around a mouthful of a turkey and bacon sub with American cheese, mayo, ketchup, lettuce, extra pickles, extra banana peppers and extra black olives. He was sat alone at the breakfast bar in the tower’s common kitchen unaware that Thor was even on the planet, let alone in the building.

“Where did you acquire such a fine delicacy?” Thor asked as he circled around to face the other man. Clint took another bite, causing about half of the sub’s contents to spill out onto the wrapper.

“Deli on 3rd. Want some?” Clint swallowed. He nodded his head toward the other half still wrapped up next to him.

“No, I will not deny you your lunch, Agent Barton! Is it true that that particular kind of sandwich is called a hero?”

“Uh, only if you’re a weirdo. It’s just a sub. And don’t get me started on hoagies and grinders.”

“Hoagies and grinders?”

“Yeah, other stupid names for subs. Don’t trust anyone who calls them that. Hoagies, heroes, grinders, all stupid. It’s just a sub. It’s shaped like a submarine.”

“So that’s why it’s called a sub? The lore surrounding sandwiches is fascinating. How did you gain so much knowledge on the subject?”

“I’ve been around the block a few times. Eaten a lot of sandwiches in a lot of different places.”

“I’d love to learn more.”

Clint chuckled. “You should become a Sandwich Artist.”

“A Sandwich Artist? Is that a profession here?”

“Oh yeah.” He said scooping up a pinch of ketchup-soaked lettuce and banana peppers and plopping them into his mouth.

“Is it a respected position?”

“Yeah you get a uniform and everything.”

“Glorious! I would love to learn. Are you a Sandwich Artist? Can you teach me?”

“Unfortunately, no, though I once worked at a Burger King for a few weeks.”

“A Burger King? You’ve trained to become a King of Burgers? I love burgers! Why didn’t you tell me you were trained in such things?”

“Well, I didn’t want you to treat me any differently buddy. But we can work our way up to being a Burger King. Sandwich Artist seems like a good place to start.”

+++

“Tony Stark!” Thor boomed as he entered the workshop followed closely by Clint.

“Point Break! Welcome back!” Tony said pushing his wheelie chair away from the desk and throwing his hands in the air.

“Thank you! I have come to ask you a favor.”

“Shoot.”

“I require the use of a computer with access to the internet.”

“What’s wrong with Barton’s laptop? Too sticky?”

Clint scowled and flipped Tony off.

“That was our first thought, but then we discovered that the completion of the required Subway University would take several days so Agent Barton suggested I borrow one from you.”

Tony cocked his head. “Subway University?”

“I’m going to become a Sandwich Artist, and completing this online course is the first step.”

“Is that a fact?” Tony mused. He scooted his chair over a bit to get a better look at Clint who was trying very hard to stifle a laugh.

“Yes. When I arrived this morning, I found Agent Barton enjoying what appeared to be a very delicious sandwich, which reminded me of how much I loved them. Then he informed me that I could learn the fine art of making sandwiches and in turn make them for others. It sounds like a glorious way to spend some time on Earth.”

Tony chuckled and shook his head before turning back to Thor. “Well, I certainly admire your ambition. I’ll get you all set up down here with us – that way if you have any questions you can ask Bruce.”

Over the next week Thor worked diligently, only stopping to ask Bruce for help a handful of times. He found the entire process fascinating and remarked several times how impressed he was by Subway’s cleanliness standards.

Soon he found himself standing in a Subway shop a few blocks from the tower, ready to begin his hands-on training. The lanky, bespectacled teenager named Devonte nervously looked back and forth between his clipboard and the large man in front of him.

“You’re – you’re really Thor?”

“Yes.” He replied with a large smile. “I’ve finished the _online_ portion of my education and was instructed to report here.”

“But so you’re like, the _real_ Thor? From the Avengers?”

“Ah! You’ve heard of us! Yes, that Thor. God of Thunder.”

“And you want to work here? Don’t they pay you? My little sister has a lunchbox with your face on it.”

“Does she? You must show me sometime!”

Devonte shook his head while glancing back down at his clipboard. “I thought my manager was joking.”

“About what?”

“About you. This is my first day as an assistant manager and you’re the first person I’ll be training.”

“Well I am very much looking forward to it, young Devonte. Assistant Manager Sandwich Artist sounds like quite a distinguished title and it’ll be an honor to learn from you.”

The teenager took a deep breath. He still wasn’t 100% sure that this wasn’t hazing. “Right. Well, um, thanks. Let’s uh, let’s get stared. I’ll show you how to put ice in the soda machine first. You’re pretty tall so we probably won’t even need the step ladder.”

Thor absorbed all of the information that was being thrown at him with an enthusiasm that made Devonte a bit uneasy. Though it was nowhere near the amount of unease he felt having the _actual_ God of Thunder watching his every move on the line with an unbroken, quiet intensity. When it was time for their first break that morning he hoped he’d be able to get a few minutes to himself, but Thor was pretty hard to shake.

“I must say Devonte, you are quite skilled. I’ve learned so much already this morning.”

“Thank you. I’ll probably let you actually start helping me once we’re back in there.”

“Great! I do have one _minor_ suggestion though.”

“Yeah?”

“We should be giving them more meat! The meat is the best part of the sandwich and we do not give them nearly enough. Not you. Not Clara. Not James. We should all be doing more.”

“That’s all the meat we’re allowed to give them.”

“It’s not enough.”

“If a customer asks for double meat we can do that but then we have to charge them extra. I can show you how to do that in the register, but we don’t – “

“But what if we just gave them more meat and then _didn’t_ charge them? We could become the best Subway in the realm. People would flock to us!”

“I – yes, I mean sure but – “ Devonte stammered out. This had to be a test, but he refused to give in. “No, you need to follow the portion standards that come from corporate. If you don’t and you’re caught giving away extra food for free, then you’ll be written up.”

Thor leaned forward shaking his head. “You’re obviously a very skilled sandwich artist. How can you work under such constraints?”

“Honestly? I’m just trying to save up enough money to get a really good gaming PC.”

Thor stood back up and sighed. “You’re not going to budge on this, are you?”

“N-no.”

“You’re a good man, Devonte, but your skills are wasted here. I hear tell of a _Deli on 3 rd_ that my friend goes to all of the time. Their creations are suberp. Perhaps it’s time for the both of us to go out and find something better.”

“Ok, this is – this is a joke, right? Billy hired you for this? You’re like, a birthday party performer, right? Very funny. Thank you for being a good sport and for filling the ice – that was really helpful, actually, if you ever do want a job here I’ll put in a good word, but just give me your apron. You’re good to go. I need to get back out there.”

Thor slowly removed his apron and handed it to him. “Thank you for everything you’ve taught me today. I will cherish these hours with you and do my best to continue learning and sharing what I learned with those around me.”

“Great. I hope the uh, 9 realms or whatever think of me every time they make a sandwich. Thanks for stopping by. I hope they tipped you well.” And with that the teenager turned around and headed back into the restaurant.

Thor lingered for a moment before turning and heading toward the Burger King on the next block, hoping he’d have a better chance there. He’d never really considered himself an artist, but he knew he was to be the King of Asgard someday, so why not try to become the King of Burgers first?


End file.
